One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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