Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
