break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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