Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
