Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
