there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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