there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
