There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
