The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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