I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
