Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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