Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
