Apparently you make a good broom.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
