His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
