To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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