i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
