This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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