Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
