Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
