Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
