I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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