Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
