apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
