garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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