i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
