i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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