I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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