she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize