K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
