She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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