I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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