It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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