Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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