I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
