Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
