Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
