that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
