Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
