You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
