we have officially lost it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
