i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
