totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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