I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
false alarm. still invincible.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
