can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
