He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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