I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
