A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
