I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
