beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize