My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
