Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
