and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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