I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
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