Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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