Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
