My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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