Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Randomize
