i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
