Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
