WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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