dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
