Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
