i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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