We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
