im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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