I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
