i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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