I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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