I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
