5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
