Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
