Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
