we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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