broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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