so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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