um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize