Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
