why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
