Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
