I'm jealous of your bromance
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
