Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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