so that wasnt chicken after all
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize