pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im six kinds of drunk right now
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
