Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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