Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
