So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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