It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
