Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize