I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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