i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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