That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
