Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
