He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
