U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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