sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
